I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
