He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
