I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
