somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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