I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, beer. Big fan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
