What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
