That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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