i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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