dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
