Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
