I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
