I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
4 words: hood of his car
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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