At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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