he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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