life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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