Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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