it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
