i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
