Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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