So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
