Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
