My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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