Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
