You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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