Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
