Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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