feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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