You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
