Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
