sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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