epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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