can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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