i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
