I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize