Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
