I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
