I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
