Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I touched a dick in church today
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
