a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
