just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
