shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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