Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
