Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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