You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love accidental penises.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
