I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
