Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
