Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
