I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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