Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
