this beer tastes like vomit already
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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