I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
