Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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