Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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