i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
