I cannot find my penis.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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