if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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