I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize