We're like a lot better than the average bears
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
