Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
