she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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