Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
