I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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