I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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