Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
