I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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