we have pet lesbian snakes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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